I’m sure you’ve heard of Alpha and Beta males, but are you familiar with Sigma males? They are the rare and special type, and I’m about to explore 11 signs to spot a Sigma person.
Believe me when I say what you’re about to read is not the generic stuff about the Sigma personality you’ve come across on the internet.
1. You couldn’t care less about brands.
On one hand, alphas like to follow trends, be it fashion, cellphones, cars, etc. They make sure to keep themselves up to date with the latest trends and they like to spend their money mostly on latest brands so as to maintain their high status in the social hierarchy. You can say they like to show off and impress wherever they are.
On the other hand, Sigmas don’t care about none of that stuff. They don’t dress to impress and they don’t care about trends or social status. As a sigma male, I buy and wear whatever makes me feel good regardless of however others may feel about it. You can find a Sigma person driving a simple Volkswagen Beetle, wearing unbranded but decent clothes, and owning a non-expensive cellphone, for example, and still remain confident in themselves.
That’s because their source of confidence emerges from within themselves, not from other people’s perception of them or materialistic possessions. They don’t need anyone to validate them. How cool is that!
Please keep in mind that this is not to say they never treat themselves. Sigma people can also have style.
2. You couldn’t care less about the spotlight.
Alphas love and crave being in the spotlight. They like being the center of attention. They feel confident and whole when all eyes are on them. It’s their trademark. Without it, it’s like they are non-existent.
Sigma males can survive without being in the spotlight. They can lead when they want to, but their management style does not concern showing others who’s boss. They lead by guiding and empowering others and allow them to have their voices heard. They create space to allow those led by them to fully express themselves, be creative and innovative, and exercise their full potential.
They also don’t like to brag about their achievements. I for one have written and published a couple of articles about some of my own achievements, but that’s because I had a very important and empowering message I wanted to pass on in each of these articles. It had nothing to do with showing off or bragging. You can see for yourself below.
These people have a way of standing out without asking for anyone’s attention. This is their superpower.
3. You talk less and listen more.
People who like attention like to talk too much, especially about themselves, and it makes them come across as self-absorbed or self-centered.
A Sigma person pays more attention to those they converse with. They are active listeners and that’s what makes them great conversationalists. When you talk to someone who actively listens to you and responds with understanding of what you are saying and with empathy, you are bound to want to talk to them even more and be friends with them, or more than that.
Sigmas, just like introverts, don’t like small talks. It throws them off. They appreciate long, deep, and meaningful conversations. This is not to say they are always serious. They can be light, fun, and playful too at an appropriate time to be those things, but they don’t like dull conversations. They prefer silence to that.
4. You have a very small circle of friends.
Alphas are highly social people and they often make new friends wherever they go, but Sigmas are often very careful with who they invite to their circle of friends. They don’t befriend just anyone. I once came across a quote that goes along these lines:
If you are friends with everyone, you are friends with no one.
A Sigma doesn’t call just about anyone their friend. They take friendships very seriously and make the most of it. They care about you and your well-being as a person and they tell you things about themselves that they haven’t shared with anyone else because they trust you.
5. You march to the beat of your own drum.
Unlike Betas who live to please other people and meet their expectations of them, Sigmas don’t conform. They do their own thing how, when, and where they want to do it. They are the epitome of what it means to be an individual. They are authentic, unconventional, and highly self-aware.
A Sigma person will never have to alter themselves just to please you or even expect you to do the same for them. This is what makes them so cool and attractive. Don’t you just love people who play by their own rules?
You will never force a Sigma to do anything they don’t want or aren’t comfortable doing because they’ll tell you exactly how they feel about it and stick to their word. These people have a backbone and they aren’t pushovers. I have been like that for as long as I can remember.
In fact, there’s nothing that I like that I was introduced to by someone else. I always discover by myself what I like and dislike. I am not easily influenced and I am my own person. I like to read, write, listen to music, take myself out, do some shopping, take a walk on the beach, and watch movies or TV series. That’s my idea of fun and I don’t care if it comes off as lame to other people because it makes me happy and that’s all that matters. I don’t like football, I listen to a lot of R&B music, and I’m still a straight dude. I don’t give a flying bird’s ass about the society’s standards of what it means to be a guy or what they are supposed to be like.
6. You are independent (and a loner).
By independence, I’m not talking about financial stability, even though Sigmas can be financially stable. In fact, anyone can be financially stable, regardless of whether they are Alpha, Beta, or Sigma.
By independence, I mean that Sigmas can think for themselves and make their own decisions. They aren’t followers like Betas are. Sure, they are not afraid to ask for guidance or help when they need it, but for the most part, they like doing things for themselves. They do their own washing, cleaning and ironing, for example, without relying on a helping hand.
Sigmas can admit when they fall short at something without feeling embarrassed or ashamed about it because they are self-sufficient. Sure, they also have moments when they don’t feel too confident or positive or strong, but they aren’t afraid to admit their feelings or insecurities or vulnerabilities. This is what makes them so relatable.
Sigmas also like to have their own space because it allows them to think, reflect, introspect, and regroup.
I once had a girl (not a girlfriend) who used to pay me a visit every single day and as much as I liked and enjoyed her company, sometimes I felt like she wasn’t giving me any space to breathe. She was one of the girls who wasn’t very subtle about her romantic feelings towards me.
Sigmas have a life of their own outside relationships which is why I must warn you in advance that if you’re thinking of dating a Sigma male or female, make sure you’re not clingy and that you also have interests of your own to pursue outside your relationship, otherwise it’s not going to work out between you two.
Respect their lone nature and need for their personal space if you want your relationship with a Sigma to work.
7. You are in a league of your own.
Sigmas don’t fall anywhere within the social hierarchy, they aren’t people-pleasers, and they don’t dance to anyone else’s tune but their own.
At work in my department, there is a strict dress code to be followed and I didn’t adhere to it at first because I wasn’t really aware of it, but one day my manager informed me about it and advised me to adhere to it whenever we had to go to the field outside the office. I still didn’t feel comfortable to conform and I kept on wearing the casual clothes I felt comfortable in, and guess what?
One day, he actually complimented me on a jacket I was wearing and even asked me to wear it again on our next trip to the field. This jacket didn’t even meet my department’s dress code requirements that my manager had informed me about and he had to adapt to it. He adapted to me, an employee. Can you imagine how badass that is? Since that day, I never felt compelled to follow my department’s dress code.
Why should it matter what you wear at work? What should matter more is whether you do your job and produce high quality end results, shouldn’t it? What I’ve learned about company dress codes is that when you wear whatever you want and feel comfortable in it, as long as you look decent and presentable at a place of work, you’re much more likely to enjoy what you do.
By the way, I highly do not recommend going against your manager’s rules or the company policy when it comes to the dress code. Just because it worked for me doesn’t mean it could work for you. Don’t get yourself a written warning, my friend, or even worse, fired.
Sigmas also aren’t afraid to dream big and are active in achieving their goals. They also aren’t afraid to fail because from those failures, they learn what doesn’t work in order to try out what could work. They are risk takers.
They also don’t care about labels. Whether you classify them as Alpha, Beta, or Sigma, they couldn’t care less. They are just themselves. Bruce Lee is the epitome of what it means to be a Sigma male. I get that his enormous charisma, self-confidence, and ripped physique make him appear as an Alpha male, not to mention the fact that he fights like a complete beast, but if you pay full attention to the article below, you’d realize that he’s actually Sigma.
8. You are a humble beast.
“A student once asked Bruce Lee, “You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?” Bruce Lee beautifully replied “It’s better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war.””
Sigmas can be caring, kind, sweet, compassionate, and humble, but also assertive and confident in themselves. They can like and respect you a lot and still don’t take shit from you. They have too much self-respect to tolerate nonsense from anyone.
Have you ever watched the Netflix series called Cobra Kai? There’s a character who goes by the name of Eli “Hawk” Moskowitz. In the last 2 episodes of season 4 of Cobra Kai, he unleashed the beast in him (Hawk) when he had to fight in the ring and outside the ring, he was a normal, sweet, and sensitive guy (Eli). He is a highly complex character who went from being Beta (an insecure and self-conscious victim of bullying desperate for transformation from being a loser to a total badass) to being Alpha (well, more like a complete bully and asshole) to being Sigma.
Another example of a Sigma character I can think of is Charlie Gilbert played by Owen Wilson in the movie Marry Me with JLo. Speaking of my analysis of the movie plot, the global superstar Kat Valdez played by JLo was supposed to get married one night to her equally famous, attractive, and Grammy-winning fiancé Bastian played by Maluma, but then moments before they were supposed to tie the knot, a video of Bastian cheating on Kat with her assistant hours before their wedding surfaced online, and Kat saw it. In shock and in tears, Kat randomly picks up a complete stranger from the crowd holding a poster sign with words “Marry Me” to marry her. They got married right on the spot. This was a very awkward union, understandably so, considering the lady was having an emotional breakdown.
This stranger was Charlie, an ordinary-looking Math teacher who was also a single dad and had a dog named Tank and he didn’t even know who Kat Valdez was. He only found himself attending her concert/wedding after he was begged and convinced by his friend Parker to attend with her and his daughter who was a massive fan of Kat.
Now, what makes this guy Sigma is his character. He never did anything to please or impress this highly famous, successful, sophisticated, and gorgeous artist Kat who randomly picked him from the crowd.
At first, their meetups were pre-arranged and filmed by Kat’s team for publicity. Everything seemed pretty staged, until Kat and Charlie started growing on each other which turned into liking each other, and like turned into love. He didn’t even try too hard, in fact at all, to fit in with her hectic and glamorous lifestyle.
One evening he blatantly told her that he couldn’t fit in when he broke up with her after having watched her undeniable chemistry with Bastian while performing their hit song “Marry Me” which they were supposed to perform at their wedding. Kat was very hurt and heartbroken after this breakup. Charlie had assumed that there was a possibility that they still had feelings for each other, even though that wasn’t the case for Kat.
Another reason why he broke up with her, based on my analysis of the movie, was because he wasn’t interested in competing for Kat’s love with Bastian. Charlie wasn’t insecure or anything like that. He really couldn’t fit in and it all became too much for him to handle and he was honest about it. He wanted to have his normal life back.
Sigma males speak their minds.
What Charlie didn’t realize was that Kat is a highly professional and seasoned performer who can get so immersed in a collaborative song you’d actually believe that she is still emotionally attached to her collaborator. Actors/actresses do the same thing in movies. They take you through an emotional rollercoaster and make you feel what they are portraying to be feeling. That is what happened to me when I watched this movie Marry Me. That’s why I’m even talking about it. Now, as far as Charlie’s perceived chemistry with Bastian is concerned, the truth is she was no longer attached to Bastian, but she had become emotionally attached to Charlie.
This is the reason why she even walked out on Jimmy Fallon on his talk show, left Bastian hanging, and decided to go after Charlie and proposed to him. Before that, she wrote a song called “On My Way to You” which she wrote just after the breakup with Charlie and before she went back to him. The way she proposed was the same way Charlie unintentionally did when she randomly picked him at what was supposed to be her wedding. She held a poster sign with words “Marry Me”, followed by another one with the word “Again.” Of course, he accepted the proposal and they embraced. What stood out to me was the fact that she chose him when she didn’t even know his name and she still chose him after having got to know him. So romantic!
Charlie wasn’t afraid to speak his mind. He wouldn’t even shift his schedule for his pre-arranged meetups with Kat as per her team’s instructions. It was Kat who had to make an effort to adjust her own schedule around Charlie’s to spend more time with him.
Like I said, he never even tried to compete with the handsome and famous Bastian for Kat’s affection. I also have never been one to compete for anyone’s affection. He knew that Bastian was hotter and more successful than him and was on Kat’s level in terms of social and financial status and looks and he didn’t even come close, but he was still a much better man with more integrity and decency than Bastian.
One night after finding out that Kat was going to fly to Puerto Rico where Bastian was going to perform, Charlie offered to drive her to the airport if she still believed that Bastian was the guy for her. He wasn’t afraid to challenge her. He also gave her an alternative by asking her to go to the school dance with him if she wasn’t sure about Bastian, and she gladly accepted his request. That night was also the first night they got intimate. Kat even slept over at Charlie’s. This happened prior to the breakup and Kat’s proposal.
Everything about Charlie, including the way he spoke, dressed, and the food he ate, was all him. Kat’s team did try to make him play by their rules, except for Kat, but he wasn’t having it. At the press conferences with Kat, he never pretended to be something that he was not. He was always himself. That is how self-sufficient he was.
Sigma males don’t wait for others to validate them because they are already self-sufficient.
He was still a nice, sweet, witty, and decent guy, and what made him Sigma was his ability to stand his ground and not allow anyone to influence and change him. He was a man who played by his own rules and that is why Kat eventually fell for him so hard, and Kat’s fans started to like him and root for them as a couple. They were a highly unlikely but compatible match.
9. You are enigmatic.
I for one have revealed quite a lot about myself here on Medium. In fact, writing here has helped me to learn some things about myself that I wasn’t aware of before and I’ve already shared most of those things. However, there are some things that I decided to keep to myself.
For example, as much as I’ve revealed about my complicated, almost non-existent love life, I’ve not mentioned anything about my sex life. Some people have told me to my face and via text message that they think I’m a virgin. I guess that’s the aura I radiate and whether it’s true or not, I guess we’ll never know. After all, it’s very much possible to have an inactive love life and have an active sex life. Am I trying to imply something about this statement? Once again, we’ll never know, at least for now.
I also have not revealed much about my goals or future plans in my stories. Of course, I have revealed some of them here, but not all of them. I’ve revealed mostly where I’ve been and where I currently am, but as for where I’m going or where I see myself in the next 5 to 10 years or so, I’m keeping most of that to myself. I also haven’t discussed in detail what it is that I do for a living. Y’all don’t know my job description. The list goes on.
I think having a bit of a mystery about yourself and keeping people guessing makes you even more interesting, cooler, and exciting to get to know. It’s cool to be an open book, but leave space for people to figure you out by themselves.
Be so complex that people must uncover a new layer every time they talk to you.
10. Everyone is equal in your eyes.
Sigma people do not give a shit about social status. You may be Beyoncé and they’d still walk past you as if nothing happened. They treat everyone with the same respect, regardless of whoever they are. This is not to say they don’t have any role models, but you’ll never find them pedestalizing anyone.
11. An elite sense of humour.
Sigma males or females aren’t the funniest people per se, but they certainly don’t force it. They don’t try to be funny and when they are funny, they do it naturally, effortlessly and charmingly. They can be light-hearted and playful in a conversation and also like to use banters.
Are you familiar with the Canadian-American actor Ryan Reynolds? He is also the epitome of a sigma male with an elite and unforced sense of humour and he’s not even a comedian, yet he’s probably funnier than a lot of people out there who call themselves comedians. The American actress Anna Kendrick is exactly the same, which makes her the female version of Ryan Reynolds. Hopefully Blake Lively won’t be mad at me for saying this if she ever magically comes across this article.
Sigma is a rare personality type, but it very much exists.
Conclusion
I hope this article has provided some insight into the rarest and coolest personality type and how to spot it in a person, namely Sigma.
, thank you for the inspiration to write this article.Do you identify with any of the signs of a Sigma I’ve mentioned above? If yes, which one(s) did you identify with? Let me know in the comments below.
